No Guilt Here

I think I may be the only CF mom who doesn't feel guilty that my child has CF. (Please note: I am not trying to deny or belittle the emotions of those who do feel that guilt, I just want to share how I do feel about it and why.)

Now, as I've written about before, I do sometimes feel guilty about other things, like her slow weight gain. But the fact that she has CF? I have never felt an ounce of guilt over that fact. But she got the gene from me, right? I passed that mutated gene on to her, giving her CF? Well, that's not the way I see it.

What have I given my daughter? One half of her DNA, 8 months in the womb, 10 months of nurturing and meds and treatments. It's not a stretch or a boast to say that she owes her life to me, as everyone owes their life to their mother, and once over again, as many children with CF owe their lives to those who care for them.

Yes, one of those genes in the DNA I gave her causes CF. But for Gwena, what other options were there? The only other options were never to be conceived, or to die before she was born. I don't think those are better options than living, even living with CF. For me the other possibility was to have a different baby, one without CF. But there is no "Gwena without CF", the odds of conceiving a baby with the exact same DNA as Gwena, minus the CF mutation, are mind-blowingly small. If I had a baby without CF, it wouldn't be Gwena. Gwena is unique and amazing and you know what? She has CF. And I am so glad that she's my daughter.

The other reason I don't feel guilty about Gwena's CF is that while, like all CF parents, I know I didn't choose to pass that gene on to her, I also believe that Someone did. I believe that God designed my daughter and chose every gene in her DNA, including the CF genes. That is sometimes a hard truth to accept, but at the same time I am comforted to know that this was always His will for Gwena's life and my own, and He will work in it for His glory!

Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

" ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."