My body is very sensitive to caffeine. A few weeks ago, I had a cup of coffee one day, a coke the next, and an Excedrin the day after that. Ever since then it's been a daily choice between caffeine or a withdrawal headache, so I've been drinking a lot of tea.
My husband never has this problem, because caffeine never has the slightest effect on him. He can drink it every day and not become addicted, and he can drink a large cup full of espresso shots and then go right to sleep. This was a problem for him in college, since he could never stay up late to write a paper.
But back to me and my addiction. I've decided that it's now time to quit, again. I've quit caffeine many times in my life, and it's actually much easier than many people think. I always cringe when I hear about people quitting cold turkey. There is an easier and far less painful way! Yesterday I had a cup of tea, today I'm having 3/4 of a cup of tea. In a few days I'll be down to a couple of sips, and then I'll be free.
Don't get me wrong, I love coffee, tea, coke, and other caffeinated beverages. I even love caffeine itself, for staying up late or for mornings when I haven't gotten enough sleep. But I hate being addicted, I hate being a slave to it. Dropping everything and running to the kitchen to make tea because I forgot and I've started to feel the beginnings of that withdrawal headache coming on. Drinking beverages not for enjoyment, but for their drug content. I prefer not to live that way.
I just have to be careful when November rolls around to not get re-addicted! NaNoWriMo usually makes for a more caffeinated month than most, but I just have to watch that I don't have it more than two days in a row.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Fall??
Now that it's fall, the weather is cooling off... NOT! It is 109° F today! Why exactly the other moms from church decided to pick this particular day for a playdate I don't know, but we went anyway and we had lots of fun. Gwena got all her toys and her stroller stolen by older babies, she ate an entire peanut butter and butter sandwich, we ran through the sprinklers a little, and she wasn't quite as terrified of grass as usual and actually crawled on it without crying!
On the way home I was daydreaming about going in the swimming pool of our apartment complex, but now that I'm home, I don't want to leave the air conditioning.
On the way home I was daydreaming about going in the swimming pool of our apartment complex, but now that I'm home, I don't want to leave the air conditioning.
Monday, September 20, 2010
And Many More
Yesterday was Gwena's birthday! I can't believe my baby is 1 year old now. Once I get more pictures, I'll make another post about her baby luau. For now I just want to say how very happy I am that her first year has gone so well. She is happy and healthy, is on (the very bottom of) the growth chart, has never had a lung infection, and is still nursing despite a rough start to breastfeeding in the beginning. Her pancreatic insufficiency is severe, and I am fully convinced that without the enzymes she takes whenever she eats, she would not have lived to see this first birthday.
I am so thankful for her good health, and for Gwena herself and all the joy she has brought me. When we sang to her yesterday and at the end of the song everyone sang, "and many more!" it caught me so off guard I almost cried. Those words have never meant so much to me before, but I know that Gwena will have many more birthdays, and each time we will celebrate the blessing of another year of life, and wish her many more!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Baby's First X-ray
Gwena had her first x-ray today, a routine yearly CF chest x-ray. Things started out well enough, she was happy and playing in the waiting room, too fast to get a clear shot on my phone.
Things took a turn for the worse when they put her into this medieval torture device!
She sat on the little green seat with her legs dangling, I held her arms up over her head and the tech closed the clear plastic shell around her. She screamed her head off while the tech took two pictures. We got her out but had to put her back in because we had to retake one of the pictures! She screamed even worse the second time. This is a blurry shot of the teary-eyed baby this procedure resulted in.
But she was fine after a while, especially once I nursed her!
I got copies of the films, so here are Gwena's lungs:
I always get copies of her medical records to keep in our personal files. Having worked in medical records... well, I just feel safer that way.
Things took a turn for the worse when they put her into this medieval torture device!
She sat on the little green seat with her legs dangling, I held her arms up over her head and the tech closed the clear plastic shell around her. She screamed her head off while the tech took two pictures. We got her out but had to put her back in because we had to retake one of the pictures! She screamed even worse the second time. This is a blurry shot of the teary-eyed baby this procedure resulted in.
But she was fine after a while, especially once I nursed her!
I got copies of the films, so here are Gwena's lungs:
I always get copies of her medical records to keep in our personal files. Having worked in medical records... well, I just feel safer that way.
Monday, September 13, 2010
What happened to August?
Ack! 7 weeks without a post? I knew it wouldn't be long before I started neglecting this blog.
In that time we've struggled with Gwena's weight gain (or lack thereof), Gwena has acquired 4 teeth, I have laundered a cockroach, my mom has started chemo for breast cancer, I've been working a little from home for my mom's business, the apartment is now a complete mess again, and we've taken a trip to Stanford for Gwena's clinical trial.
Perhaps some of these things will be elaborated on in future posts. For now, I have to go try to get this mess under control!
In that time we've struggled with Gwena's weight gain (or lack thereof), Gwena has acquired 4 teeth, I have laundered a cockroach, my mom has started chemo for breast cancer, I've been working a little from home for my mom's business, the apartment is now a complete mess again, and we've taken a trip to Stanford for Gwena's clinical trial.
Perhaps some of these things will be elaborated on in future posts. For now, I have to go try to get this mess under control!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
No Guilt Here
I think I may be the only CF mom who doesn't feel guilty that my child has CF. (Please note: I am not trying to deny or belittle the emotions of those who do feel that guilt, I just want to share how I do feel about it and why.)
Now, as I've written about before, I do sometimes feel guilty about other things, like her slow weight gain. But the fact that she has CF? I have never felt an ounce of guilt over that fact. But she got the gene from me, right? I passed that mutated gene on to her, giving her CF? Well, that's not the way I see it.
What have I given my daughter? One half of her DNA, 8 months in the womb, 10 months of nurturing and meds and treatments. It's not a stretch or a boast to say that she owes her life to me, as everyone owes their life to their mother, and once over again, as many children with CF owe their lives to those who care for them.
Yes, one of those genes in the DNA I gave her causes CF. But for Gwena, what other options were there? The only other options were never to be conceived, or to die before she was born. I don't think those are better options than living, even living with CF. For me the other possibility was to have a different baby, one without CF. But there is no "Gwena without CF", the odds of conceiving a baby with the exact same DNA as Gwena, minus the CF mutation, are mind-blowingly small. If I had a baby without CF, it wouldn't be Gwena. Gwena is unique and amazing and you know what? She has CF. And I am so glad that she's my daughter.
The other reason I don't feel guilty about Gwena's CF is that while, like all CF parents, I know I didn't choose to pass that gene on to her, I also believe that Someone did. I believe that God designed my daughter and chose every gene in her DNA, including the CF genes. That is sometimes a hard truth to accept, but at the same time I am comforted to know that this was always His will for Gwena's life and my own, and He will work in it for His glory!
Now, as I've written about before, I do sometimes feel guilty about other things, like her slow weight gain. But the fact that she has CF? I have never felt an ounce of guilt over that fact. But she got the gene from me, right? I passed that mutated gene on to her, giving her CF? Well, that's not the way I see it.
What have I given my daughter? One half of her DNA, 8 months in the womb, 10 months of nurturing and meds and treatments. It's not a stretch or a boast to say that she owes her life to me, as everyone owes their life to their mother, and once over again, as many children with CF owe their lives to those who care for them.
Yes, one of those genes in the DNA I gave her causes CF. But for Gwena, what other options were there? The only other options were never to be conceived, or to die before she was born. I don't think those are better options than living, even living with CF. For me the other possibility was to have a different baby, one without CF. But there is no "Gwena without CF", the odds of conceiving a baby with the exact same DNA as Gwena, minus the CF mutation, are mind-blowingly small. If I had a baby without CF, it wouldn't be Gwena. Gwena is unique and amazing and you know what? She has CF. And I am so glad that she's my daughter.
The other reason I don't feel guilty about Gwena's CF is that while, like all CF parents, I know I didn't choose to pass that gene on to her, I also believe that Someone did. I believe that God designed my daughter and chose every gene in her DNA, including the CF genes. That is sometimes a hard truth to accept, but at the same time I am comforted to know that this was always His will for Gwena's life and my own, and He will work in it for His glory!
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)
" 13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
July Clinic Visit
This is my second belated update post!
Last Wednesday we went to the CF clinic. Gwena's lungs are doing great! The nurse told me I'm doing a great job. :)
Her weight wasn't too good though... she weighed only 15 lbs 5 oz. Two weeks before, at the pediatrician's, she had been 15 lbs 8 oz. I know it's two different scales, but we had also weighed her on our home scale, and she seems to have lost a few ounces in those two weeks, instead of gaining! Her growth curve had a little dip in it.
So the plan is to feed her more and richer foods. Right now she's nursing 5 times a day. In addition to that, they want us to give her the foods we're eating blended up, give her more rice and pasta and crackers, cook for her using butter, oil, or cream, or add those to her foods directly. We are to weigh her every week on our scale and email that figure to the dietitian. They will see us back at the clinic after 4 weeks to see how she's doing.
It's kind of disheartening to find out she hasn't been gaining well, that we have to fight harder to get her to grow. Getting extra calories into her hasn't been too hard though, and I can already tell from her stools that we've outstripped the amount of fat that her enzymes can handle, so we might need to increase her dose as well.
I can't believe she's 10 months old already! It's crazy to think that without enzymes and treatments, she might not have lived even this long. She's standing in her playpen right now waving at me, and she just looks so old!
Last Wednesday we went to the CF clinic. Gwena's lungs are doing great! The nurse told me I'm doing a great job. :)
Her weight wasn't too good though... she weighed only 15 lbs 5 oz. Two weeks before, at the pediatrician's, she had been 15 lbs 8 oz. I know it's two different scales, but we had also weighed her on our home scale, and she seems to have lost a few ounces in those two weeks, instead of gaining! Her growth curve had a little dip in it.
So the plan is to feed her more and richer foods. Right now she's nursing 5 times a day. In addition to that, they want us to give her the foods we're eating blended up, give her more rice and pasta and crackers, cook for her using butter, oil, or cream, or add those to her foods directly. We are to weigh her every week on our scale and email that figure to the dietitian. They will see us back at the clinic after 4 weeks to see how she's doing.
It's kind of disheartening to find out she hasn't been gaining well, that we have to fight harder to get her to grow. Getting extra calories into her hasn't been too hard though, and I can already tell from her stools that we've outstripped the amount of fat that her enzymes can handle, so we might need to increase her dose as well.
I can't believe she's 10 months old already! It's crazy to think that without enzymes and treatments, she might not have lived even this long. She's standing in her playpen right now waving at me, and she just looks so old!
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